Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
