Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Randomize
