I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
