Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
