So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
