Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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