i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
