my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
COCAINE IS GR8
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
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