I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She tied me up with her honor cords...
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
