Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
