Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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