She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
Randomize
