Jerry, you need to find god
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
