Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize