i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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