They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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