Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
