Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
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