Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
