i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
