I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
