he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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