Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I'm always down for nudity.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
