i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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