my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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