cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
