Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
