Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
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