Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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