He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
