Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
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