I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Randomize
