Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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