Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
