Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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