plz talk dirty to me
someone get that fucking seahorse.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
You're like the curious george of whores
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
