i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Randomize
