Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
