And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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