I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
