if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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