I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
My dick has a subreddit
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
