Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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