Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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