Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
