i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
