You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
