my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
