I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Randomize
