I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
He passed out mid-signature
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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