I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Randomize
