I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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