I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
