it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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