He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
