I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
She's the barista slut.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Randomize
