So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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