even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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