honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
