You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Randomize
