My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
