Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
