When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
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