Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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