so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Randomize
