You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
