That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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