Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
