Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Randomize
