We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My vagina is very pro this idea
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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