Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
