True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
