i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
